My New Life Plan ...

... marry an attractive, wealthy gay man in need of a cover marriage and tax write-off.

(thank you, D, for the inspiration!)

Bar Exam Best Wishes Shout-Out

Just wanted to send a Big-Up Best Wishes Shout-Out to the wonderful, brilliant, and fellow Blogger (http://couturecowboy.blogspot.com/), D , who is currently enduring Day 2 of the California Bar Exam.

Not only are you going to pass with flying colours, you're going to look GREAT while doing it (as always)! :-D

Corporate America

Is this Life imitating Life?

The first thought that came to mind when I saw this last week (I think Tuesday morning's catch?) was "Wow, it's the perfect example of Corporate America ... Big Fish Eats Little Fish."

I don't want to know the Muffin Man ...

Further evidence of post-vacation PNG (Persona Non-Grata) Status:

This morning, the Big Boss brings in assorted muffins (approximately 5) from our local favorite Diabetic coma-inducing bakery (who shall remain nameless, and is not to be confused with a Canadian chicken restaurant chain).
Aforementioned Big Boss offers a muffin only to his next-door office mate, leaves them out in our break room / quasi kitchen, then later gives me s*#t for having one.

There are FOUR people in our otherwise empty office, only THREE of whom are in the office on a semi-regular basis.

In most office environments, no matter how Dilbert-esque they may be, standard etiquitte generally allows for the public consumption of foodstuffs left in open break / kitchen areas, unless otherwise marked:
left on counter = open territory
left in fridge = can go either way, generally not for public consumption

And here I thought I was making progress when Big Boss actually spoke to me for more than 60 seconds yesterday (topics of brief conversation: Rocket Man, Harvey Birdman, space, astronauts, and jet packs).

F@#$ the Muffin Man ...

Post Vacation Purgatory

Ah, vacation.

Wonderfully blissful days away from work that our employers are so kind to offer.

Days that we generate more stress to make sure everything is squared away so we can leave our co-workers to handle our work while we're away.

Days spent realizing that like Peter Gibbons ala "Office Space", we really don't like our jobs and we don't think we're going to go anymore.

Oh, and realizing that we really like doing nothing ... absof#$inglutely nothing at all (except fishing, eating, napping and reading).

I was lucky enough to spend a blissful 2 1/2 weeks of vacation (one week unpaid) away (mostly) from my Professional Purgatory, visiting family and friends, fishing, and pondering long and hard about what I want to be when I grow up.

Still no answer on the grown-up plan, but I did figure out a few things:
- I REALLY need to leave current company
- I think current company may be working on firing me (returned from vacation even more persona non grata than before)
- I'd LOVE to simplify my life, move back to my Homeland (not Hometown, tho), and find a simpler gig for less money
- Financially, the above idea is impossible
- I LOVE fishing
- It's perfectly ok to try to talk a worm onto your hook ... in fact, I think it serves for better karma with other creatures
- There is such a thing as too much Chinese food
- McDonald's fries are their own food group, and likely contain some controlled substance for they are SO freakin good and addictive
- Canada rocks!

More to follow soon. Back to work and job hunting!

Vacationing Vegetable

Dear readers,

I am headed into week 2 of the 2.5 week vacation.

IT'S FABULOUS.

It's been one week since I booted up and logged onto the interweb.

IT'S BEEN FABULOUS.

I wouldn't have logged on unless I had to send an email to set up a visit with a friend in Canadia next week, and update the bank balance.

If I could afford to be on permanent vacation, I totally would.

BECAUSE IT'S FABULOUS.

Like Peter Gibbons, I like DOING NOTHING. NOTHING is my bliss!

Plenty of anecdotes to follow soon ...

Having a great time ... wish you were here.

Yours,
Me

Nominee: Great Quote of 2006 I Will Likely Plagerize

Courtesy of a dear friend and respected fellow professional in chat a few moments ago:

"She's no Jimmy Buffet, but I'd f#%k her"

Che-esy In A-mer-i-ca

Don't get me wrong ... I am thrilled and count my blessings, that admittedly I take for granted daily, to be living in this great, if slightly flawed, nation.

But do you honestly think that the Founding Fathers ever imagined that a couple of hundred years later, less than a mile from the site of Washington's Headquarters (right here in beautiful Morristown, NJ), that this nation's birth would be celebrated with
...
fireworks over a country club golf course, set to the cheesepatriotic tunes of David Hasselhoff and James Brown?

Why Animals Eat Their Young

I'm watching "The Bad Seed" and thinking it's a wonderful thing my biological clock stopped ticking.

This child is EV-IL as in the DEV-IL.

With my great luck and stellar genetics, I'd likely end up breeding a homicidal master-race child of the corn, when all I was really hoping for was Stewie from "Family Guy" ... a likely gay matricidal genius.

(No worries, D ... I'm still gunning to carry DNA for you and B someday ... together, we CAN make a Stewie!)

Thank you and best of luck to all of you who keep the species going!