Things To Do With Your Old Business Cards

No worries, I'm still employed. I just happened to notice recently that my business cards are woefully out of date ... old title, old address, old phone number. About the only thing still valid are the company name, my name, email address and extension.

While it's tempting to hang on to the rest of the box as kindling for fires this fall and winter, I'm finding decent use for them thus far:

- bookmark
- notecard with the perfect martini recipe
- writing down your flight arrangements
- directions to the next interview
- notecard of random thoughts
- something in which to somewhat gracefully dispose of your chewing gum
- scraping up a yakked up hairball off the floor

Any other ideas, dear readers?

... And She Did It In High Heels

Just had to give a sad shout-out at the passing of former Texas Governor Ann Richards, who died last night at 73 of cancer.

As with any politician, I never 100% agreed with her politics, but she was still a heroine.

Smart
Ambitious
Sassy
A true Texas woman all the way with her big hair and unmistakable drawl

Ann is an icon who showed us that a Woman can play in the Boy's Club and win, with bigger balls than most of the men in the room. As she often said: "Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did. She just did it backwards and in high heels."

Yes, she did ... and so did you, Ann ... at home, in government, on a Harley and in high heels.

A Rainy Night In Mo-Town

Today marks the beginning of a new month: September.


September, that glorious month signaling the end of Summer, the beginning of Fall, and the close of Q3.


In this blogger's opinion, September is a rather delicious month, however, not nearly as delicious as October, which brings us full-on fall action.


Greetings, dear reader, from a wine-soaked rainy night here on the northeastern seaboard, thanks to Ernesto, the tropical depression that delivered nothing more than a lot of rain and f-ed up flight patters along the eastern seaboard. Pre-Ernesto, we've had an usually cool and breezy spell, a tantalizing taste of fall ... and it ROCKS!!!

Why all the near-nympho descriptions of the weather and pending seasons?

Because FALL is my favourite transitional season. Summer and Winter be damned, give me the transitional months. Spring and Fall represent, for me at least, closure and budding promise, simultaneously. Cooler, crisper air, changing leaves, football, basketball, and the hope that perhaps the right guy might come along to share the air and leaves with while you're rocking those cute fall sweaters, jeans, jackets, and boots.

The idea of closure and budding promise are perpetual themes in my life, especially in my professional life at the moment.

Still employed at Limbo Incorporated for the moment. No complaints other than the usual. I traveled this week for the first time in a while ... It wasn't a particularly thrilling trip, however, it was nice to get out and on the road for a couple of days.

Ovulation + Grounded Road Warrior = A Very Restless Professional In Purgatory

(Buy your stock in the Gillette Company, parent company of Duracell, readers ... I can guarantee a temporary rise in stock prices and record profitability this week)

Three GREAT interviews to report in the last week! These experiences only further solidify my theory that interviewing and dating are one in the same (minus the sex ... Well, unless you're casting for a porn film in the San Bernadino Valley). There are two serious front-runners, and my Spidey Senses tell me that I may end up with an offer for both. They're both great opportunities, however, one's like Aidan (great opportunity, stable, one you wouldn't pass up but still feel like there's something slightly better out there), and the other like Mr. Big. Forgive me for the Sex In The City comparisons here, but hey, I'm a woman in my late 20's (6 months from 3-0), and yes, Sex In The City shaped my late-20-something experience.

Sue me.

In the meantime, it's a long weekend, it's cool and rainy here in the treehouse, I've got a bottle of yummy Pinot Noir on, I'm being courted by two great companies, my oldest niece started pre-school this week AND is potty trained ... life is good and I can't complain. (OK, so the last ridiculously hormonal ovulation cycle left me feeling like the 29-Year Old Virgin, and a little twinge of I Wish I Had A Man Syndrome, but it has since passed.)

Overall Status: Pleasantly Soaked in Pinot Noir and GOOD! :-)

P.S.: One last gush ...
I saw STEELY DAN and Michael McDonald a few weeks ago, and it was FREAKING AWESOME!!! (also further evidence I was born 15 years too late.) Overall a very worthwhile experience to go at alone, definitely one you don't want to attend with someone who's not at all into it.

Though I must admit, I laughed out loud during MM's set thinking of Paul Rudd's rant in The 40-Year-Old Virgin about 2 years of watching the Michael McDonald concert DVD, and subsequent threat to "Ya Mo murder everyone in the store."

P.P.S: Second last gush ...
If you are not a watcher, you MUST MUST MUST catch Season 2 of Weeds on Showtime. Whether or not you're pro- or anti-wacky tobacky, it's a well-written engaging series, heartfelt and human, with second-to-none casting and acting. Next to Grey's Anatomy, it's the only other show I will run home to watch, or at least be VERY upset if I miss it.

A Moment of Peace In Purgatory

While I'm certain none of you are hanging by the edges of your seats going "Did they get paid?" "Did they go belly up?" "Did another Dear Sweet Landlord die?", I figured it was time for an update.

It's a gorgeous day here on the eastern seaboard. The temperature is just perfect, the golfers are out en masse, and there's no shortage of birds, squirrels and flying stinging creatures to observe and enjoy. Perfect afternoon for working and blogging on the back balcony, listening to Jazz. It's days like today when I really enjoy having moved here, especially when it's still 106 back home. Perhaps I'll change my tune when Winter arrives, and it's still 70-something back home.

Yes, we did finally get paid, and are waiting for the current paycheck to arrive today.
Not sure how to answer if we've gone belly up ... we're "restructuring", which is normally a very positive thing in most organizations. It demonstrates that the business leadership recognizes there are issues, and addresses them accordingly in order to get to a more positive place as a company, whether that means reducing cost, or getting to a more cash-positive place. In our case, it was a rather reactionary move that should have been done weeks ago, and as a result, we lost more morale than headcount.

The previously mentioned UCM is seriously in charge now. Funny how instead of completely freaking out about something (ok, I still have moments here and there), and instead relax, relying on faith and confidence in yourself (that's all you really can rely on, isn't it?), as a result you manage to see things so clearly that you struggled so hard to see before. When the signs started showing themselves, this is exactly how I predicted things would go. I won't make a call on whether or not I see a positive outcome ... that definition is different for everyone, and all I know is, for ME, there will be a positive outcome. As a dear sweet friend reminded me not too long ago: land on your feet, swish your tail, and find yourself better off.

Every situation and opportunity is what you make of it, no?

In the meantime, thanks to the guidance and advice of some very dear friends and colleagues, I'm being courted by a couple of organizations that I'm very excited about.

Interviewing is a lot like dating, minus the sex. You dress up, put on your best face, try to say and do all the right things that edge you in front of the other candidates, while somehow managing to be true to yourself.

It was refreshing to speak to a corporate recruiter yesterday who didn't appear to be phased when I stopped in the middle of providing an example of how my time-management skills benefitted me in a major project and said, "You know, I just don't feel like I'm addressing this quite right." By the end of our call, he was enthusiastically recommending me for the position, following up in email afterward with an application to complete and return, and an offer to buy me a coffee when I [hopefully] come in to interview soon.

Today, I spoke with the hiring manager for a position that looked great on paper, but when it came down to the nitty gritty, it wasn't that great of a fit for me. Add on top of that, there wasn't much "chemistry" between me and the hiring manager. Fortunately, unlike the majority of the few dates I've been on in 2006, I wasn't left wondering if I could get that last 90 minutes of my life back.

In the meantime, I'm enjoying a rather peaceful period during the overall chaos, avoiding cleaning the house, fighting off a moment of irascible restlessness, while pondering what to do for dinner.

Overall status: A-OK

A Little Ray O'Dark In the Dark Wood

Well, dear readers ...

... the waiting continues, however, it appears the dam is breaking.

Big Boss - GONE

My Boss - GONE

Aforementioned UCM - Runnin Tha Show

Scary.

Apparently the name of the game isn't "Are you competent?", it's "Are you sided with me and flexible?"

What happened to looking out for the best interest of the business, long and short-term?

The Waiting Is The Hardest Part

It's funny how your professional relationships occassionally mirror your personal relationships.

Admittedly, I have a long history of not ending relationships very well. They drag on in limbo, neither person willing to step up and say goodbye, either because you're too lame to do so or you're still clinging to some thread of hope that it'll work out.

To my own credit, I think I'm getting [marginally] better at it.

The last 60 days, especially the last 6, at work have left me with this all too familiar sensation.

Funny how quickly things change ... about a week ago, I was seeing the hopeful ray of light that things just might be ok following a rather positive review from my manager, and subsequent assignment to a new position.

Apparently that ray of light is a slow train coming to a halt, but not before it smushes you to little bits on the track.

It's taken me 4 days to draft this post. Every time I get into it, someone walks by, or I just get frustrated and leave it as a draft.

We're officially a week unpaid now. Layoffs are imminent, the finalization of which will determine our investors releasing the last bit of funding necessary to complete the overdue payroll cycle. No word on the status of the next pay cycle (that will cover the current period), or the thousands of dollars outstanding in expenses, etc owed to the employees.

In the meantime, our "leader" has virtually dropped off the face of the earth, for various reasons (some of which are understandable, really), leaving us rudderless than ever as an organization, and literally inciting the most interesting version of Corporate Survivor that I've ever experienced.

Ever the Ultimate Con Man (known here as UCM), our Sales VP, with whom I have a long and checkered history, is finally seeing the fruition of his patience and efforts over the last year or so, and is seemingly successfully making his play to take over the company. While it may not immediately be the financial payout he was expecting, but it's certainly the power play he's been hoping and dreaming of.

Nausea, futher disappointment, and a surprising dose of amusement ensues.

In the meantime, the remainder of the management team is working out the headcount restructuring plan for their teams, though UCM seems to have it all worked out in a tidy little 9 slide PowerPoint presentation he's already been shopping to the board and various investors.

Well played!

As for me, my VP, whom I was not too kind to in earlier posts, and with whom I kinda side, was kind enough to encourage me to stay home and "work" from here today, in lieu of another day of Purgatory torture in the HQ office. The cat has certainly enjoyed my presence at the house, again obvlivious to the fact that all those long hours and even weeks I spend at work, are all so that her human can continue to mortgage her soul to the corporate machine in order to ensure a roof over the cat's head, food in her bowl, scratchy boxes and catnip toys at her disposal, et al. Truly, it's all about the cat. Though at this point, I'm near the point of strapping a little hobo pack and a sign saying "will purr for food" to her, and stationing her down at the local train station with the droves of day laborers.

So kids, no news is ... well, just that, no f-ing news.

Attack of the Too-Mature 8 Year Old Girls

This morning, after a routine visit to the Honda dealer for Aisha Suki's checkup, I decided to stop at the local diner for a little bacon and eggs over coffee and this month's GQ.

Having traveled back and forth to this neck of the woods for several months prior to actually relocating here nearly 7 months ago, I no longer notice or bristle, at least too much, at the typically shitty service offered in most New Jersey eateries.

What I have noticed more and more lately, is a trend of young girls, very young girls, too young to even call pre-teen, really, who dress, talk, and carry themselves as if they are nearly 30.

Today's trip to the diner landed me at the usual table for 1 at the back of the restaurant, and one table away from the 8 year old, Morris County rendition of Sex And The City.

Picture this:
Three young girls making up a stereotypical group of co-hort: the really pretty one, the tomboyishly pretty one who will be gorgeous someday, and the cute but pudgy one.

Upon being seated, they immediately whip out their Razr phones (two silver, one pink), and proceed to take pictures, text message, surf for new ringtones, and utilize each and every one of the games loaded on the phone.

The conversation was fairly innocuous at first: what to order (Pancakes, French Toast?), what are you doing later, wanna go to a movie, or maybe let's just hang downtown. Apparently "John Tucker Must Die" is a must-see.

Unintentionally, I got their attention when my BFF, T, returned a text message, announced by "Genie In A Bottle." All 3 heads snapped my direction, with a cursory once over, leaving me feeling like I was about 13 again, under the assessment of the snotty bitches I grew up with, followed by "OHMYGAWD, I LOVE that song! Don't you LOVE the Razr? Mine's PINK!"

Immediately, I regretted the purchase of my black Razr a year ago, when it was still a $250 phone. Admittedly, I purchased it only because it was a hot looking phone. Sue me.

Then the conversation quickly slanted toward boys.
For example:
- The differences between "dating" a boy rather than "going with" a boy
- When you're a couple, you don't want to go on double dates because it's less fun, and it significantly reduces your opportunities for making out
- You want to make sure that the boy you like is really worth it, because it's so not worth it to waste all your cell minutes on a boy that turns out to be stupid
- When asked "Would you go out with _____?", the answer was, "I don't know if I would go with him, but I might go down on him if he asked."

WHATWHATWHAAAATTTTT????

First of all, apparently today's 8 year olds are far more savvy than I (a 29 year old) at the dating scene. (For those of you who know me, my dating and sexual history is pretty damn full)
Secondly, what the hell are these girls doing contemplating oral sex with a boy?

God forbid should I actually breed children of my own someday, not just as a surrogate for a friend, I hope and pray I have a boy because:

Girls ... scare ... me.

Let me interject a couple of caveats here:
- I grew up in Texas, a buckle in the bible belt, where there are more Baptist and Non-Denominationally Evangelical Ask Me About Jesus Bible Churches on every street corner than there are Starbucks.
- As a result, I am Pro-Choice and Pro-Sex.
- My teenage years, marked by the literal and figurative absence of my parents, were spent essentially being raised by my friends parents, and in the Non-Demoninational Evangelical Ask Me About Jesus Bible Churches my friends attended. It was here that any questions or desires around sex and sexuality were quickly smashed thanks to the endless brainwashing and videos telling us that if we lost our virginity, everyone would know, and you would be shunned. So don't do it till you're married.
- The above scenario lasted until I was about 18, when after much teeth gnashing and wailing over the "wait / don't wait" debate, my boyfriend of a year and a half (a 26 year old virgin) and I decided to move ahead with "don't wait." I've never looked back or regretted it since.
- I thank my parents for having raised my sister and I in an environment where sex was somewhat talked about openly, and honesty rather than mythology was the rule of thumb. They explained the birds and the bees without drilling the "wait / don't wait" awfulness in my head from my early childhood on.
- I believe that parents should be open and honest with children about sex and sexuality, rather than leaving it to church, friends, and the media to misinform.

So, having said that, why do I sound like a conservative Republinazi at overhearing 8 year old girls openly contemplate oral sex?

Because, while it's debatable regarding at what point in a person's development they're physically and emotionally ready to engage in sexual activity with another person, isn't 8 a little young?

I'm all for being secure in your own sexuality, and being free and open with it, so long as it doesn't involve hurting someone else (i.e. rape, molestation, et al). And yes, all people develop their sexuality at different rates. Honestly, I remember being very curious about sex from early on, however, I never acted on it until around Jr High / High School, playing kissyface with a boy here or there. However, what I don't remember from those years are any incidents, like we hear about today, of anyone going down on each other DURING CLASS in the back of a science lab. Seriously, I think my graduating class was more interested in black tar heroin and ecstasy.

Are the girls of the new millennium legitimately evolving in their sexuality faster than previous generations?

Possibly.

More likely, in this blogger's humble opinion, is that the constant bombardment of sex in media, advertising, television and movies is pushing the process along further. Even more likely, is a serious lack of parental involvement to sort through and help their children make sense of the barrage of ideas, themes and images.

Major kudos to enlightened and honest parents like my friends out West, who recently blogged about their desire to continue to be their children's guideposts along life's journey. They're not out to fill their heads with the mythological, scare tactic bullshit they themselves were raised with ... they're only out to be honest with their children, and guide them down a path in life where they'll be happy. And so far, in my opinion, they're three of the most interesting, brilliant, and fairly well-adjusted children who are CHILDREN. The same goes for my nieces, and my friends C&D, who's girls are absolutely fabulous, thanks to absolutely fabulous and honest parents.

Even at 29, being fairly secure in myself and my sexuality, I find it hard not to get sucked into the ever-present ideas we're fed, especially as women, about what's sexy, attractive, how you should look, talk, dress, act ... all in the name of landing, and keeping, a suitable man.

The sexual and feminist revolution has certainly elevated us to new heights, but now that we're more equal than we were previously, it feels like we're still in the 50's with some of our notions around womanhood. We're not often presented with images of normal women as ideal and attractive, which is sad, because we're not all 5'10", 100 lbs, with perfect tits and ass. Me, I'm ok with 5'8" and a little meat on my formerly waifish bones.

Admittedly, I complain, offering no resolution.

My only hope is that at some point, the trio of girls from the diner this morning, and all little girls everywhere, manage to find some time in between sexing and texting to actually BE CHILDREN, and do the things that children do enjoying the uncomplicated time of their lives.
As my parents used to remind me, and people still remind me today at 29: you're still young, you've got plenty of time ahead of you to be a grown-up.

A Little Ray O'Light In the Dark Wood

Well, dear readers ... I have interesting (at least to me, it's interesting) news to report:
A little ray of sunshine has made it's way into the land of my purgatory.

While things continue to be extremely uncertain around the corporate scene, it appears that I have managed to quickly work my way (one more month till the 90 day period ends ...) through the recently worst part of my professional purgatory, and into a little better scene. This week I was offered the opportunity to move into another position within the organization, now supporting our fledgling resellers. For the time being, it's a new challenge to pull me out of the daily doldrums of finding something to fill 8 hours (all but one of my current projects are on hold), and a nice vote of confidence from management.

Additionally, I learned a good deal of the background of the events surrounding the threat to my career the last 60 days, and I mostly trust the source of said information that it is true. Basically boils down to a lot of political BS.

So, while it's been agonizing and torturous from time to time along this part of the journey, I must say, in the end, it's been worthwhile. Further evidence that there is no substitute for experience, and good / bad / horrible / indifferent, it always ends in a worthwhile lesson learned.

Spoken like a true Project Manager ... and a damn good one too ;-)

Progress!

Everyone Should Be So Lucky To Have A Great Landlord Like Mine

I am a horrible human being ...

... for many reasons, but today mostly for complaining about the lack of response from my landlord on the A/C situation.

Sad to report, my dear sweet landlord died this morning after an extended hospitalization due to an infection contracted post-operation in June. Somehow, his wife managed to pull together the presence of mind under such awful circumstances to retrieve the messages from his cell phone, and call to make sure I got the air conditioner taken care of. (which it is, to the tune of $120 for the service call and subsequent replacement of one big, blown fuse)

To provide a little history on F, the dear sweet landlord, he was a scientist by trade for his entire life, and worked on the ARPANET project in the 60's, which ultimately ended up as the Internet.

Al Gore didn't invent the Internet, MY LANDLORD DID! (how's that for an Inconvenient Truth, Al?)

Not to mention, he let me keep the cat ... he liked cats, liked my cat, and was willing to pretend he never saw her, considering that animals are not kosher with the owner of the house.

Anyone that likes cats is a good person, in my book.

He was a nice nice nice nice dear sweet man. And his wife is a nice nice nice dear sweet lady too. Good thoughts and prayers for them both.

So, dear sweet landlord F, lifelong scientist, cat lover, and overall nice person, I toast you and cheer you into a happy afterlife with an ice cold Corona in the cool(er) house you managed so well.

As for you, dear sweet readers of this blog, when you pay the rent today (it IS August 1st, after all) hug your landlord!

It's Getting Hot In Here

It's 12:45PM Eastern.

It's 97 Degrees outside with a Heat Index of 113.

Expected to reach 100 today with a Heat Index of 116.

The air conditioner died last night.

It's 85 Degrees in the house.

The landlord is unreachable.

The AC repair guy is on his way soon, I hope.

I'm paying for this service visit out of my own pocket .
(read: my landlord is unreachable, hence I had to find a repair person on my own, pay out of my own pocket, and hope that my landlord reimburses me)

Blogger is taking forever to upload pictures.

The cat hates me.

My Life Needs TiVo ...

Do you ever have those moments, or extended periods of time in your life where you wish you could just fast-forward to the next part? The really good part?

As my mind's Hidden Observer watched my mood rapidly decline on the way into work this morning, the Ego battles the Id and Superego in search of middle ground, it occurred to me that perhaps from time to time, we need a Life TiVo.

Part of the beauty of life's journey is learning to appreciate the bitter, so the sweet is much sweeter, and as a result, we find ourselves enjoying life's journey rather than dreading it, right?

Could it be I'm starting to enjoy the journey?

I think I'm getting there ... the more s@#t that piles on (self-induced or not), I manage to remain calmer than I can ever remember. (ok, for the most part ...) Progress!

If Life TiVo existed, today I'd TiVo through this extended set of life's commercials, perhaps through this entire episode.
Skip to the next episode where our protagonist can finally reach her landlord and get the home air conditioner fixed in the middle of a record heat wave.
Or the episode after that where she finally musters up the courage and the right words to call a couple of potential job contacts, and perhaps land in a happier career place.
Perhaps the one where our heroine successfully fights the Word Vomit Nausea, and manages through the 60 Day Review in 90 Day Probation Purgatory with Boss Nazi.
Maybe the episode where she finally gets her financial s#%t together.
Really looking forward to the season finale where she finally lets go of her history, heartstrings and all, and moves on with her life.

After further review, it appears this season actually looks fairly promising ... perhaps even worth of a Season Pass?

My New Life Plan ...

... marry an attractive, wealthy gay man in need of a cover marriage and tax write-off.

(thank you, D, for the inspiration!)

Bar Exam Best Wishes Shout-Out

Just wanted to send a Big-Up Best Wishes Shout-Out to the wonderful, brilliant, and fellow Blogger (http://couturecowboy.blogspot.com/), D , who is currently enduring Day 2 of the California Bar Exam.

Not only are you going to pass with flying colours, you're going to look GREAT while doing it (as always)! :-D

Corporate America

Is this Life imitating Life?

The first thought that came to mind when I saw this last week (I think Tuesday morning's catch?) was "Wow, it's the perfect example of Corporate America ... Big Fish Eats Little Fish."

I don't want to know the Muffin Man ...

Further evidence of post-vacation PNG (Persona Non-Grata) Status:

This morning, the Big Boss brings in assorted muffins (approximately 5) from our local favorite Diabetic coma-inducing bakery (who shall remain nameless, and is not to be confused with a Canadian chicken restaurant chain).
Aforementioned Big Boss offers a muffin only to his next-door office mate, leaves them out in our break room / quasi kitchen, then later gives me s*#t for having one.

There are FOUR people in our otherwise empty office, only THREE of whom are in the office on a semi-regular basis.

In most office environments, no matter how Dilbert-esque they may be, standard etiquitte generally allows for the public consumption of foodstuffs left in open break / kitchen areas, unless otherwise marked:
left on counter = open territory
left in fridge = can go either way, generally not for public consumption

And here I thought I was making progress when Big Boss actually spoke to me for more than 60 seconds yesterday (topics of brief conversation: Rocket Man, Harvey Birdman, space, astronauts, and jet packs).

F@#$ the Muffin Man ...

Post Vacation Purgatory

Ah, vacation.

Wonderfully blissful days away from work that our employers are so kind to offer.

Days that we generate more stress to make sure everything is squared away so we can leave our co-workers to handle our work while we're away.

Days spent realizing that like Peter Gibbons ala "Office Space", we really don't like our jobs and we don't think we're going to go anymore.

Oh, and realizing that we really like doing nothing ... absof#$inglutely nothing at all (except fishing, eating, napping and reading).

I was lucky enough to spend a blissful 2 1/2 weeks of vacation (one week unpaid) away (mostly) from my Professional Purgatory, visiting family and friends, fishing, and pondering long and hard about what I want to be when I grow up.

Still no answer on the grown-up plan, but I did figure out a few things:
- I REALLY need to leave current company
- I think current company may be working on firing me (returned from vacation even more persona non grata than before)
- I'd LOVE to simplify my life, move back to my Homeland (not Hometown, tho), and find a simpler gig for less money
- Financially, the above idea is impossible
- I LOVE fishing
- It's perfectly ok to try to talk a worm onto your hook ... in fact, I think it serves for better karma with other creatures
- There is such a thing as too much Chinese food
- McDonald's fries are their own food group, and likely contain some controlled substance for they are SO freakin good and addictive
- Canada rocks!

More to follow soon. Back to work and job hunting!

Vacationing Vegetable

Dear readers,

I am headed into week 2 of the 2.5 week vacation.

IT'S FABULOUS.

It's been one week since I booted up and logged onto the interweb.

IT'S BEEN FABULOUS.

I wouldn't have logged on unless I had to send an email to set up a visit with a friend in Canadia next week, and update the bank balance.

If I could afford to be on permanent vacation, I totally would.

BECAUSE IT'S FABULOUS.

Like Peter Gibbons, I like DOING NOTHING. NOTHING is my bliss!

Plenty of anecdotes to follow soon ...

Having a great time ... wish you were here.

Yours,
Me

Nominee: Great Quote of 2006 I Will Likely Plagerize

Courtesy of a dear friend and respected fellow professional in chat a few moments ago:

"She's no Jimmy Buffet, but I'd f#%k her"

Che-esy In A-mer-i-ca

Don't get me wrong ... I am thrilled and count my blessings, that admittedly I take for granted daily, to be living in this great, if slightly flawed, nation.

But do you honestly think that the Founding Fathers ever imagined that a couple of hundred years later, less than a mile from the site of Washington's Headquarters (right here in beautiful Morristown, NJ), that this nation's birth would be celebrated with
...
fireworks over a country club golf course, set to the cheesepatriotic tunes of David Hasselhoff and James Brown?

Why Animals Eat Their Young

I'm watching "The Bad Seed" and thinking it's a wonderful thing my biological clock stopped ticking.

This child is EV-IL as in the DEV-IL.

With my great luck and stellar genetics, I'd likely end up breeding a homicidal master-race child of the corn, when all I was really hoping for was Stewie from "Family Guy" ... a likely gay matricidal genius.

(No worries, D ... I'm still gunning to carry DNA for you and B someday ... together, we CAN make a Stewie!)

Thank you and best of luck to all of you who keep the species going!

Platinum is this girl's best friend ...

Greetings and HAPPY FRIDAY, dear readers!

Nothing but good news today, and even the petty nitpickings of my manager from hades, or the shitty mood of office mates can't damper my vibe (so far).

• Saw Jerry Seinfeld last night at NJPAC in lovely downtown Newark. GREAT show, and definitely worth the $75 ticket, $8 pain in the ass parking, and rainy drive home at 11:45PM.
• Received kudos from the sales guy on my only project ... also echoed by nitpicky manager from hades.
• Skillfully exposed duplicitous nature and intentions of nitpicky manager from hades to CEO.
• Confirmed my "professionalism" (or lack thereof) isn't what duplicitous and nitpicky manager from hades characterized.
• Logged in to AA.com this morning and found a little gem, or rather precious metal, of happiness. (thank you, DNak, beloved friend and respected professional coworker, for pointing out the spoils of the originally posted pictura ... I'll kick the s#%t out of anyone (myself included) that ever calls you "Mister 90%" again!)
  

Yes, kids ... after 9 years of membership, and endless attempts, I finally successfully completed a Platinum challenge on American Airlines.

Those of you who have known me throughout most of my career know the ridiculous business and personal travel schedule maintained over the years. Coast to coast clients and long-distance boyfriends racked up the miles in a hurry.

To some, and understandably so, this may seem petty and ridiculous. However, any business traveler based out of Dallas / Forth Worth knows the heartache of being a slave to the incumbent carrier (read: Evil Empire), in this case American. (other Evil Empires: Chicago = United, Detroit / Minneapolis = Northwest, Atlanta = Delta, Newark = Continental)

Regardless, it took a long time to get here, dammit, and petty or not, I'm ecstatic and gonna enjoy it for however long it lasts :-D

An inconvenient observation

(Apologies to my gay friends for the comparison ...I am a card-carrying international Super Hag, after all)

Can Al Gore sound any more gay?

Watching the nightly dose of "The Daily Show", and boy is he ssssuper, thanks for asssking.

"Ssseventy million tonsss of pollutantsss dumped in the air every year!"

Al Gore ... Big Gay Al?

"I am a Tulsa street model. How do I become a regular model?" or Everything I need to know in life I learned from the June 2006 issue of Esquire

Yes, while most nearly 30-something females are reading Cosmo, Lucky, Jane, and Fitness/Shape/insert annoying get-a-better-bod magazine here, I'm the gal in the Exit Row aisle seat reading Esquire, GQ, and Vanity Fair.

Is it my inner gay man?
Is it my mostly guy brain?
Or is it just that I am sick to death of "Why he really cheats on you!" or "What he really thinks about in bed!" or "10 Signs He'll Propose!"

Well, there's that, and I enjoy the articles and the pretty pictures of pretty men in pretty clothes.

There, I admit it.

(Ok, admittedly a subscriber to US Magazine too.)

So, perhaps I was totally deranged as a result of 36 hours of corporate meetings, 48 hours with my family, god knows how many hours in airports waiting for delayed flights, or 2 endless flights, but I found myself particularly inspired and educated this month by the June 2006 issue of Esquire.

Now I'm off to finish the June issue of GQ for more pretty pictures and life-lessons ala Christina Aguilera.

One week and counting ...

... from a blessed 2.5 week vacation!

The initial project plan and statement of work for my "proving ground" project is completed (said project being the troubled shit I inherited upon which my continued employment rests).

Project notes are drafted and sent to the fellow respected and totally "professional" coworkers who are kind enough to take my workload in my absence.

Should be interesting to see if I can pull off a "real vacation", as suggested by my duplicitous manager (now Vice President!), and not somehow get punished for it.

Don't get me wrong in any of these work rants ... not at all feeling victimized or anything, just truly amazed at the continued escalating petty bullshit in a 35 person company.

No, dear readers, "Office Space" doesn't just live in big bureaucracies, but little start-up privately funded ones too :-)

Tuesday Random Rant

Just for the record:

I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE my job. I am calling back all the recruiters on my way home tonight, and hope I don't get pulled over for not using my Cancertooth (read: Bluetooth) headset.

This is the ONLY company I've ever worked for where the CEO and Sales VP can openly make *FART JOKES* during a company meeting, yet I get *coached* for approaching our CTO at a team dinner last week in "too friendly, not professional enough" of a manner regarding celebrating a co-worker's birthday this week.

Now, had I been sitting on this person's lap, running my fingers through their hair and shoving my tongue in their ear, saying "Hey CTO, it's Fellow Professional Services Colleague's birthday next week, and he'll be in Salt Lake City ... make sure he gets some titties in his face and a blow job, ok?" ... I could see getting coached for that *immediately*, and rightfully so.

Here's how the conversation actually went:
"Hey CTO, it's Fellow Professional Services Colleague's birthday next week, and it just so happens he'll be in Salt Lake City. Perhaps ya'll can take him to the Bayou [one of the company's favorite watering holes, although the service sucks ass] on Wednesday night and show him a good time, as I'm sure you can imagine it woud suck having to spend your birthday out of town on business and away from your family."

Guess that was just "too friendly, and not professional".

Fart jokes - 1
Birthdays - 0

On a more positive note: slid through another dental checkup, cavity free ... I miss the days of getting cool stickers for good teeth :-) Now I get a toothbrush, toothpaste, floss and a $400 night guard to grind through in my sleep (*not* covered by our stellar insurance).

Wear your love like ... acid?

Thanks, Douglasse for the distraction ...

... sadly, this Blogthing test knows me better than I knoweth myself.

Your Personality Is Like Acid

A bit wacky, you're very difficult to predict. One moment you're in your own little happy universe... And the next, you're on a bad trip to your own personal hell!

What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

Beginnings...

And so it begins.

This is my second attempt at a blog.

The first one was slated to chronicle the trials and tribulations of relocating from my life-long home of Texas to the East Coast ... However, there really wasn't much to tell since:
A) I don't spend much time in the new digs on the East Coast
and
B) when I am there, I don't do a whole hell of a lot ... I'm a bit of a hermit these days.

Today finds me in a personal and professional Limbo or Purgatory, hence the references to the Dark Wood and the River Acheron in Dante's Inferno ...
Me: disoriented spiritually, physically, psychologically, morally, politically ...
My Life: chaotic, unformed matter, essentially a type of primordial wood ...
My Card: American Express :-)
(kidding ...)


Me:
I went about things a little backwards, as is my usual life M.O. While friends were away in academia-land pursuing their degrees that hopefully answer the question "What do I wanna be when I grow up?", I left college, landed a random gig as an admin in the telecom industry, then subsequently managed to fall into a series of sales, marketing, and eventually project management gigs in the telecom / contact center industry, selling and mortgaging my soul along the way.

Player's Career Stats:
29 years old
College drop out
Still a declared English Lit major at Richland College (Go Fighting Thunderducks!)
11 years in the industry
5 companies
Quadrupled salary
Landed, and subsequently gave up a VP title

Not bad, eh?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining ...

So, with all of that, why this sense of chaotic disoriented?

My life at the moment:
For the first time EVER in my career, I have accomplished nothing. I stepped into a role where I was finding my legs, in a company still trying to find its legs (Start-up, venture-capital funded, "bleeding-edge" "nice-to-have" software functionally targeted to the red-headed stepchild Training organization in contact centers ... need I say more? It's pretty f-ing volatile.)

In my opinion, we failed each other, and still are. And like a failing marriage, we find ourselves in Limbo together, each trying to figure out if we want to pursue this relationship long-term or not.

Add to that, an ever-encroaching "0"-ending birthday, and the life re-assessment that comes with it:
Who am I?
What the F do I want to do with the rest of my life?

Friends, family, colleagues, random strangers all say "You're so young, you have plenty of time!"

Do I really, though?

Then again, if my flight home tomorrow crashes, does it even matter?

Hence, Limbo ... Hence, Purgatory, hence, the Dark Wood that is my life at the moment.

So is this blog a self-absorbed neurotic observation / rant / whine about my life and the world in general?
Likely.
Do I really care?
No.

Here's hoping the irascible Charon accepts my pleas for safe navigation across the River Acheron into the lower world.

And so it goes ...